30 Weeks
25 Jan 2012 Leave a Comment
Last Friday I reached the 30 week mark in my pregnancy, a couple of weeks into the 3rd trimester. Now that we have made it this far I wish I would have taken and posted photos of my ever-growing waistline every so often and maybe written a little bit about what was happening to body and how I was feeling about it. I think I’m finally realizing that this is real and we are going to have a real live baby in our arms soon.
It’s not too late to start documenting this pregnancy though and, really, my baby bump was pretty small up until just a few weeks ago anyway. Baby boy has been healthy and active, though not as active as Andy was, and growing right on schedule. He gets hiccups often and doesn’t like the waistband of my pants encroaching on his territory. I am now visiting my midwife every two weeks and will have another ultrasound soon to check on the status of my placenta previa. Hopefully it has migrated and I can avoid a C-section. This same thing happened during my pregnancy with Andy with good results so I’m not too worried.
When I was pregnant with both Josh and Andy I saw an OB/GYN and delivered in a labor and delivery unit at a hospital. I had great experiences with the nurses during labor and with the hospital in general but this time I want to try something a little different. I am seeing a midwife and will deliver in a birth center which is located in a hospital. If all goes as planned, I want to experience a water birth. I had a pretty laid back approach to labor and delivery with my first two and was blessed that they were both easy births. This time I am a bit heart set on a water birth so I hope and pray that history will repeat itself and it will be possible.
I am getting really excited about meeting this little guy. I am not really one to bond prenatally with my babies, and with Andy it didn’t happen until well after he was born but the other day, baby boy was poking out on my side and I could actually feel the little knob of his knee or heel through my stretched skin. It was then that this little person in my head became a little person in my heart. When Josh was born I fell immediately in love with him and felt I was put on this earth to be his mommy but, much to my surprise, it wasn’t the same with Andy. It turns out I had postpartum depression and although I loved him deeply I had an extremely hard time responding to his needs without flipping the freak out. It’s so hard to explain and, like so many women, I couldn’t even identify it at the time but saying it was awful is an understatement. I’m quite frightened that it will happen again so I am trying to be proactive about my expectations and the reality of caring for a newborn. I’ve talked with my midwife about my fears and she has given me some ideas to help combat depression naturally. She has also assured me that if natural remedies don’t help that it’s ok to get help through medication. Thankfully, now that I know how it feels, I think that I will be more apt to ask for help if I need it.
Physically, I feel like I shouldn’t complain but I am older this time around and I can definitely feel the difference. I am much more achy and crampy and seriously exhausted. A couple of weeks ago I was talking to my cousin about the obnoxious prenatal pillow she used during her last pregnancy and Chris took the clue and immediately (I have a great husband!) ran out to get me one. All I can say is that pillow has changed my life. Oh, and I’m sorry, Christine, for teasing you about your insanely large and weird-looking pillow. I now own one! I have also been having painful leg and foot cramps quite often, usually in the middle of the night. I’ve even had to take a hot bath at 2am to help alleviate the pain once already this pregnancy. Not fun at all. It will soon be all over and a distant memory though. I’ll be happy to get my body back but I’m even more excited to meet my little guy! Whatever I have to go through, and, really, it’s nothing compared to what many women have to deal with, it’s all worth it in the end.
Twenty-Twelve
11 Jan 2012 Leave a Comment
Well, it’s Twenty-twelve, that’s how we were instructed to pronounce it in church on New Year’s Day by Josh’s youth pastor who was preaching. Not two thousand and twelve or even two thousand twelve because those just aren’t cool. Twenty-twelve. You know, the word twelve is starting to look funny to me.
Anyway.
We’ve put away all the Christmas decorations so the new year has officially begun. A time to begin again; forget about the past but take the lessons learned into the future. Throughout 2011 and especially lately, I have been drawn to a passage, Isaiah 43 specifically verses 18 & 19, which were used in that same New Year’s Day sermon.
I feel like I need a disclaimer right here: I am a miserable, wretched sinner and I have no business quoting scripture since I don’t make much time to actually read it let alone change my wicked behavior. What I’m trying to say is, I am a hypocrite. But even God can redeem this hypocrite.
Let’s move on.
But forget all that—
it is nothing compared to what I am going to do.
For I am about to do something new.
See, I have already begun! Do you not see it?
I will make a pathway through the wilderness.
I will create rivers in the dry wasteland.
Isaiah 43:18-19
He is going to do something new! Not only that but He is already doing it! I have been wandering through an angry wilderness but He will make rivers and paths. In fact, He’s been making them all along. I think I can finally see it through my self-centered point of view. Oh, I have a long way to go. It is a journey, isn’t it?
This new year, twenty-twelve, I don’t have a list of resolutions. Sure, I have some hopes and plans, but beyond that I want to make what I know in my head finally be real in my heart. I’m scared. I know my nasty human nature will fail over and over again (and I despise that about myself) but I want to believe that God is there making a way, providing refuge, and redeeming my time in the desert. I want to lay bare my soul, quit doubting His goodness, and see what God is going to do with this hypocrite.
Seasonal Celebrations
02 Jan 2012 Leave a Comment
Christmas, my favorite time of year, has come and gone. I don’t usually have many Christmas-related obligations to attend but I do enjoy a good party with family, friends, lots of food and Christmas goodies! I look forward to a Christmas Eve candlelight church service and reflecting on the birth of our Savior, Jesus. I love the music, twinkling lights, and choosing gifts for those I love. I thought I would write about some of the ways I celebrated Christmas this year:
In recent years I have felt convicted about my focus, or lack thereof, on why we celebrate Christmas. Not that I didn’t focus at all on Jesus but there were so many other things taking my attention that when Christmas was finally over, I had a feeling that I missed something, I felt let down. This year, amid all the lights and gifts, my family went through the Jesse Tree Advent devotional, or as Andy calls them, collosians, every evening. Each story points towards the promise that God gave in the Garden of Eden to send us a Savior and each night gets us closer to the coming of the King. I made a conscious decision to have no expectations because with our schedules we would surely miss a night or two and with an active 3-year-old and a surly preteen our devotional time may not be all that peaceful. We had to make up a couple of nights and I had to read through noise but I pray that we all found peace in the promise of Jesus. I know I am and I hope that it leads to a richer Christmas experience that lasts all year.
Chris and I have taken Keith up on his offer to watch the boys every so often and recently went downtown St. Paul to stroll through Rice Park. The park is decked out in Christmas lights including a very large evergreen tree. It’s stunning and festive and I was hoping to have a hot beverage in my hand to ward off the cold but the local coffee shops had already closed for the night. Oh well. We didn’t stay long because we weren’t dressed warm enough but we did have some great discussions including one about church which finally led us to discover what will probably become our church home after wandering in church wilderness for the last five years. That’s for another post though.
A couple of months ago, through blogland, I read about a new concert called The Story. It is a multi-media presentation of the characters of the Bible through song and video. It sold out here in the Twin Cities and I wasn’t sure we had money to spend on going anyway. Meanwhile, my sister-in-law’s mother was given two tickets and when I expressed my (righteous) jealousy she gave me her ticket because as it turns out, she didn’t really want to go. I took my niece Jamie, who was already planning on going, and we had a good time. The concert was even more fabulous and soul-stirring and even better than I had expected.
Another concert I attended was my own son’s first band concert. He plays the trombone. I should say he just blows into the mouth piece and moves the slide because he doesn’t like to practice to learn actual songs. Apparently he had a solo note and I listened hard but I missed it. Regardless, I was pretty proud of him even though I couldn’t see him play. I caught a glimpse of him on the way back to his seat after his portion of the concert. The band sounded fairly decent for a bunch of sixth graders of whom the majority have been playing their instrument for only few months.
Christmas Eve we went to our new church for a beautiful service. Christmas day we went to my parents church and then to Matt and Amy’s after the service for lunch and opening gifts. I brought my camera but only took a few photos. We were crowded and it was fun just to sit and watch all the kids open their presents. All in all, it was a peaceful, relaxing, joy-filled weekend.
During the week Chris’s parents came to visit and we celebrated with them. I even made the whole Christmas turkey dinner. “Whoa” is all I can say. Oh, and yum! It was a lot of work but I loved serving them and my guys in that way. We had a fun and busy few days with them.
The weekend after Christmas we usually have my mom’s family Christmas. All her siblings and families come from across the country to celebrate and it is quite chaotic but fun. This year, no one was able to come for various reasons. So we spent time with the small group in town. We ate Korean food and made lefse and had a great, if not quiet, time with each other celebrating the New Year. I missed my Aunts Denean and Dori, my Uncle Dan and all their families very much. It wasn’t the same without them.
So another year is over and a new one begins. Praise God for new beginnings. I have a few hopes and goals for this year, 2012, and I am looking forward to a year of new.
What You had To Say